A Conversation with Media Personality, Tefi: Being Vulnerable Online as a Latina
Story written by Dagmara Cintron
Tefi Photographed by Marlo Miller
“Other people cannot tell you how to explore your heritage. Culture is more than just conjugating verbs.”
Tefi was at the nail salon when I called. “This salon is about to learn a lot about my life,” she giggled as we started to chat. Tefi is a media personality, pop culture commentator, and InStyle hostess, definitely with the mostest. Watching her videos on TikTok is like being on Facetime with your now-famous bestie. But she’s so much more than just a hilarious, gorgeous, successful, stylish, cool, multi-faceted woman. She’s also a proud Colombian and Brazilian Miami native who hopes to honor her ancestors in everything she does. We got into the nitty-gritty of her background, not feeling Latin enough, and having the courage to be vulnerable online.
(D) Dagmara for The Mujerista
(T) Tefi
(D): I know you’re from Miami originally. Tell us a little bit about that and your background.
(T): Yes. It all started on July 22nd, 1990. Haha. But seriously, I was born in Miami to a Colombian mom and a Brazilian dad. So I’m first-generation - they came over in the 80s. I lived in Miami my whole life, and my grandparents were always walking distance away. I saw my grandparents every day for 22 years. When people are like, “I see my grandparents twice a year,” I’m like, what the fuck are you talking about? Who brings you an orange? Or you know, like, a tiny snack?
So, Miami was a very modern place. But when you entered my house, it was very much 1980s Colombia, if that makes sense. I would go to Colombia every summer. We went to Brazil a couple of times. My parents split up, and I’m closer to my mom’s side of the family. So while I’m both, I know more about Colombian traditions and holidays.
And then, I moved to Colombia when I was 22. I was in a really bad place. I needed help. I was spiraling out of control at that time. So my mom was like, “We’re going to Colombia.”
So I lived there for many months, and then when I was ready to re-enter society, my mom asked me if I wanted to go back to Miami. And I was like…you know what, no. I don’t. I just felt like I didn’t want to live there, and I was still very young, and I felt like I could live anywhere. I was considering staying in Colombia, but my mom was the one telling me I should run away to New York.
Tefi Photographed by Marlo Miller
T: Just because I know how to ask for a medium latte in Spanish doesn’t make me more Latin than them. And I feel like we’re discouraging people from knowing themselves when we make people feel like they are.
D: I know. It’s a struggle being biracial. But, it’s like, most people who are biracial that lean to one culture more play this balance of trying to get more acquainted with their other culture so they don’t feel left out.
T: Growing up in Miami, when people would talk about the Law and Order episodes in which the only Hispanic person would be the laborer who witnessed the murder but doesn’t want to talk about it because of immigration, I would be like… that’s so weird. Everyone that I know that is Latin is like a banker...
So when I got to NYC, I didn’t recognize microaggressions. I would be dating somebody, and they’d be like, “Are you mad right now, or are you just being spicy?” And I would be like, What? I’m mad because you cheated on me.
So you asked me about being Latin online and what that means to me. But I didn’t even know there was a choice. When I meet people [who] are more Americanized, and I ask them where they’re from, and they say they are Mexican, for example, but then they follow [it] up with the fact that they’ve never been to Mexico, or don’t speak the language. And I would just think: You had a choice? I think once I got out of the womb, my mom was like, “We’re going to listen to Shakira.”
But like, I don’t care if you’ve never been to Mexico! Or wherever you’re from! I don’t know how to tell people: It has nothing to do with where you’ve been or how you speak. Your existence alone is proof that your ancestors loved you for many lifetimes before you even existed. So to deny your Mexican heritage is a slap in the face. You have no idea what these people went through to get you to where you are today.
D: Right. No one is any less Latin just because of how they were raised or what languages they do or don’t speak.
T: Right. That’s why I get annoyed with people today in the media that pretend to be immigrants because they want to be interesting. I think of my grandfather and how he left Colombia in the 80s…You could never impersonate an immigrant because you could never know the loneliness. He left everything that he knew and came to a country where he knew he did not have the upper hand, but he knew it was the best thing for his family.
It’s like when you’re at a job for the first time, and you don’t know where the best lunch place is, where the best parking is, or the nicest bathroom. That was his life. He knew nothing. That’s why, even though I’m not close with my dad, I still tell people I’m Brazilian - because he made that choice also.
D: Exactly.
T: I always tell people: Other people cannot tell you how to explore your heritage. Culture is more than just conjugating verbs. Don’t insult my culture.
My culture is how I eat food, when I eat food, how I laugh, how I make friends, how I love people, how I hug people, how I say hello to people. Don’t insult me and make me feel like I am not a part of my people because I say “la agua” funny sometimes.